Tag: Being the oldest

• Rag Doll

  (October 27, 2011 9:27 pm est) I am tired of being your rag doll. I have spread myself far and wide for people who I could never say no to I have been a rag doll for many men A slave willingly offering my feminine sexuality Offering the opening of myself to be engulfed for nothing…

  Aya

  February 28, 2020

  Poems, Rants, Uncategorized

  alice miller, Alone, Artist, awakening, Bad Mother, beating, Being the oldest, child abuse, cinderella, courage to find yourself, Daughter of Narcissistic Mother, Evil, evil mother, Evil Parents, hatred towards parents, healing process, horrible step father, Narcissist, narcissistic mother, poems from daughters of narcissistic mothers, processing pain through your body, psychology, PTSD, rage, ritual abuse, sadness, sex addict parents, trauma

• As My Life Changes there is Beginning to BE some Consistency – My Self-Understanding

  Sometimes I’m ashamed of where I’m at because choosing to do the truth after I’ve lived a lie for so long is like turning the titanic around. There were so many shields of protection that I was using to keep the truth about my patterns hidden from me. As I desire to be as unentangled…

  Aya

  January 7, 2013

  Healing My Own N-traits, How to Heal, Rants, Uncategorized

  Being the oldest, dysfunctional family, Healing, healthy, Narcissist, narcissistic mother, narcissistic parents, self hatred, self-respect

• Intimidation is a Trick, a Scandal, and a Lie

  My abuser used intimidation to make me feel like I wasn’t free.  It (the feeling of being intimidated) makes me turn away from approaching certain areas of myself inside my body. I feel a since of fight or flight whenever I feel like being happy, enjoying my day, being pretty, singing a song, being spontaneous,…

  Aya

  November 2, 2011

  My Childhood, Rants, Uncategorized

  Alone, anger, Artist, awakening, Bad Mother, beating, Being the oldest, change, child abuse, courage to find yourself, Daughter of Narcissistic Mother, Evil, Evil Parents, feeling like nobody cares, fucked up childhood, gaining love for yourself, Growing up, hatred towards parents, healing process, Hope, HSP’s, Individuation, inner space, Intimidation, sovereignty

• People Pleasing and the Rearing of Pre – eminent Death (Mars in the 12th house Transit)

  Last night I was up making psychic life decisions (that is usual as of late). Come to find out Mars is transiting my Mars placement in the 12th house, so, I haven’t really been able to do anything but meditate and rash out what is really important to me psychically. Questions that have come to mind…

  Aya

  November 2, 2011

  How to Heal, My Childhood, Uncategorized

  Alone, anger, Artist, astrology, awakening, Bad Mother, beating, Being the oldest, child abuse, courage to find yourself, Daughter of Narcissistic Mother, Death of false self, Evil, Evil Parents, fucked up childhood, gaining love for yourself, Growing up, Hope, HSP’s, Individuation, Isolation, Mars in the 12th house, PTSD, Standing up for yourself

• Rant #2

  I will never call you mother again. I spend most of my thought process thinking of you and why, and why, why would you, how could you, there is no way possible that someone could know what they were doing and kill a child’s spirit, courage, and will to live. Yes there is, you are…

  Aya

  October 31, 2011

  My Childhood, Rants

  Alone, anger, Artist, awakening, Bad Mother, beating, Being the oldest, child abuse, courage to find yourself, Daughter of Narcissistic Mother, Evil, Evil Parents, feeling like nobody cares, fucked up childhood, gaining love for yourself, healing process, HSP’s, Individuation, loss, narcissistic mother, PTSD, Standing up for yourself, trauma

• You Can’t Manipulate Life to get what you Want

  Growing up I was taught by watching my parents that how you manifest what you want is by trying to manipulate life.  Boy did they scheme, get rich quick plans, ice cream trucks, moving and shaking here and there, promotions at work and they were miserable. My step – father would talk about his dreams…

  Aya

  October 31, 2011

  How to Heal, My Childhood, Rants

  Alone, anger, Artist, awakening, Bad Mother, beating, Being the oldest, body focused healing, child abuse, courage to find yourself, Daughter of Narcissistic Mother, Evil, Evil Parents, feeling like nobody cares, healing process, Hope, Horrible Childhood, HSP’s, Human Psychology, Individuation, Isolation, loss, Love Yourself, Narcissist, PTSD, sex addict parents, Standing up for yourself, trauma